A useful gift
by Chris Oddland
Summary: Just a humorous shortfic where Saito appreciates a gift that comes in handy.


Disclaimer: I don't own Zero no Tsukaima. I just decided to make a humorous short piece of fanfiction.

- Chris Oddland Self-proclaimed worst fic-writer in the world.

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A useful gift

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The Japanese youth Saito Hiraga was in a good mood despite the fact that he was stuck in a magical world, courtesy of his summoner and mistress Louise..

"_Emmaretta, did you get my letter... I sent it to you, oh Emmaretta... Do you still feel when night is falling... Something calling, oh Emmaretta..._" Oblivious to his surroundings Saito was blissfully singing one of his favourite Deep Purple songs. After all two attractive ladies had presented him with a gift they thought he would be in need of. Even Derflinger, the magical talking blade, strapped to his back was singing along, despite never having heard this song before.

Not looking where he was going, he eventually bumped into someone.

"And who is exactly 'Emmaretta', you dog?" an angry feminine voice oozing of something that could be compared to neurotic jealousy and possessiveness rolled together into a volatile keg of gunpowder growled. Louise Francoise de la Baume le Blanc de la Vallière was glaring daggers up at him.

(Uh-oh! I'm in trouble again!) Saito thought.

"It-It's j-just a-a s-son-song, Louise!" Saito stammered as he took a step away from her, while Derflinger continued singing.

"Don't try to talk yourself out of it, Saito," Lousie said threateningly and was about to start a serious rant when she was interrupted by the presence of another girl.

"Hello, Monsieur Saito! Hello Mademoiselle Vallière!" the maid Siesta greeted them with a cheerful smile. Compared to Louise whom he was stuck with as a familiar, Siesta seemed to him as a pleasant and safer person to interact with compared to the unpredictable and highly impulsive Louise who did have her bright sides...sometimes.

"Hello, Siesta," Saito smiled back at her and couldn't help staring at her knockers even if he knew that's wrong. He sometimes wondered if he was becoming Guiche II or worse than him. Seemed funny from a hypocritical point of view since he had after all gotten in trouble with Guiche for exposing his two-timing ways to Montmorency and the other girl he was seeing.

"Here we go again," Derflinger groaned as Louise's eyes started glowing red hot.

"You dog!" she cried out before Saito got the chance to chat with Siesta.

As Louise's foot connected forcefully with Saito's groin something quite of the ordinary happened.

"Youch!" Saito said with a minorly pained look, but still managed to stand upright.

Louise on the other hand was sprawled on the grassy ground of the Tristain Academy, screaming curses and crying out that she broke her foot.

"I've got to thank Siesta and Jessica for that padded, reinforced metal codpiece they bought me," he said in relief and sighed. It did come in handy during incidents like these. "It's not even dented."

From the sound of the pink-haired girl that she was anything but happy now, tilted the scales in favour of running away and find a place to hide while she cooled down.

"Feet, don't fail me now!..."

"She's coming right for us!" Derflinger shouted from his back.

The majority of students of the academy just shrugged as a human familiar ran past them with a limping Louise in hot pursuit waving around her wand in one hand and a riding crop in the other, screaming bloody murder. Some wondered if she had gotten the nickname Louise the Zero because she seemed to have a low threshold in handling her temper and the consequences that resulted of this.

"Maybe I should buy him a helmet next," Siesta thought. He could certainly use one considering whose familiar he was and what was certain to befall.

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_Author's notes:_

The timeline where this fanfic takes place is up to you, dear readers. You decide yourselves whether it takes place during the first, second or third season. I left out the other characters on purpose for that reason. And trying to add some more realism I decided to make Siesta use French terms of addressing people, since the people of Tristain speak Earth's equivalent of the French language.

-Wait? What are you doing with those pitchforks and torches? _AAAAAAAAHHH!_


End file.
